Homeward, bound

I have to be careful with this post because I don’t want certain readers to get the wrong idea.

Much of the appeal of moving to Korea was getting a good 4 or 5 months a year off. I thought I’d use all that time to go back to America in the Summer and Winter. I thought at the time that I’d need to. More recently I thought I’d simply want to.

I’ve got my ticket. I’m going back to the States July 11 for just under a month. But I find that as the date gets closer, I’m less excited about going. In fact, I find a nagging, inexorable pull that I’m fighting. I can’t figure out why, but I just don’t really want to go.

I will say this: I want to see my family, and I want to see certain friends. These are things I am looking forward to. But American culture is not one of them. There’s nothing about it that I miss, nothing at all. ……… I’m kind of stuck staring at the computer monitor after that last sentence. I’m not sure how to tactfully put this. I guess that, in seeing things from a distance, there are certain aspects of America I find disgusting, and there are other aspects that I find boring. As a culture, it’s hardly living up to its original ideals. And I get the sense that no one there really cares. People will continue to ride out their personal ambitions and forms of entertainment and continue to live in a self-imposed ignorance about the rest of the world.

As for the boredom, it’s a simple thing. People will have their own lives, they will go to their jobs. I’ll have to find ways of amusing myself in a very predictable society where everything functions by stringent laws and overly polite gestures. All these discrete individuals will go around this way and that and I’ll have no one to really talk to, no one to share anything with. And then I’ll be stuck, tied down and waiting until I can come back.

To put a finer point on it, we should travel to discover something new. There’s nothing new for me about America. In fact it seems very, very old, and increasingly irrelevant. And yet it’s packaged in this arrogant attitude that it’s the best society in the world. Sorry, but I’m just not looking forward to that vibe at all.

I know… this sounds whiny and self-important. But the feeling is there. Maybe it’s that I’ve been away too long. I haven’t been back for a full year.

I’ll adjust. I’ll see the people I miss. I’ll explore the landscape, go to the desert, see the Sierras, have a steak, BBQ with friends. Maybe these are things to get excited about as the time approaches. Regardless, it’ll probably be good for me.


One Response to “Homeward, bound”

  1. Yes, it’s verified: you are certifiably — sane.
    I feel sorry for you. It will be a rough life living in an insane asylum — with your condition.

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